Beyond Silence: Supporting Survivors of Domestic Violence

In the quiet corners of our communities, behind closed doors that appear normal from the outside, millions of people are experiencing domestic violence. At The Astaris Foundation for Change, we believe breaking the silence around this issue is the first step toward healing—both for individuals and society. This post explores how we can all better support survivors of domestic violence through understanding, action, and compassion.

Understanding the Scope: The Statistics We Cannot Ignore

The numbers tell a story that words alone cannot convey:

• In the UK, an estimated 2.3 million adults aged 16-74 experienced domestic abuse in the year ending March 2023—1.5 million women and 820,000 men.

• On average, two women are killed every week by a current or former partner in England and Wales.

• Domestic abuse-related calls to police increased by 6% during the COVID-19 pandemic, with many support organizations reporting that lockdowns intensified abuse situations.

• Children witness approximately 75% of domestic abuse incidents, with lasting psychological impacts—these children are 3 times more likely to develop serious mental health problems later in life.

• Only 18% of domestic abuse victims report their experiences to police, meaning the vast majority of cases remain hidden.

• Economic abuse is present in 95% of domestic violence cases, often making it financially impossible for survivors to leave.

• The cost of domestic abuse to UK society is estimated at £66 billion annually, including costs to healthcare, criminal justice, social services, and lost economic output.

• Survivors typically experience 50 incidents of abuse before seeking help.

These statistics represent real people—our neighbors, colleagues, friends, and family members—many suffering in silence, believing they are alone.

Recognizing Domestic Violence: Beyond Physical Abuse

One of the most persistent myths about domestic violence is that it always involves physical harm. In reality, domestic abuse takes many forms:

• Physical abuse: Including hitting, pushing, restraining, and other forms of bodily harm
• Psychological abuse: Constant criticism, humiliation, gaslighting, and mind games
• Coercive control: Monitoring movements, isolating from friends and family, controlling finances
• Economic abuse: Preventing financial independence, creating debt in the survivor's name
• Sexual abuse: Sexual assault, coercion, or unwanted sexual activity within a relationship
• Digital abuse: Using technology to stalk, harass, or control
• Post-separation abuse: Continuing control through children, courts, or harassment after separation

Research shows that psychological abuse and coercive control often cause the most long-lasting trauma, yet these forms are frequently minimized or overlooked. A 2022 study found that 65% of domestic abuse survivors rated the psychological impact as more damaging than physical violence.

Why People Stay: Dismantling the Question

"Why doesn't she just leave?" This question, though common, fundamentally misunderstands the complex reality of domestic abuse. The statistics reveal a more nuanced picture:

• Leaving is statistically the most dangerous time—76% of domestic homicides occur during or after separation.

• Survivors attempt to leave an average of seven times before successfully escaping an abusive relationship.

• 39% of survivors become homeless immediately after leaving.

• Financial concerns keep 52% of survivors in abusive relationships, with many having no access to independent income.

• 83% of survivors report being stalked after leaving their abuser.

• Custody battles are used as a form of continued control in 70% of cases involving children.

• Immigration status is weaponized against 60% of migrant survivors, who fear deportation if they report abuse.

The question we should be asking isn't "Why do they stay?" but rather "Why does our society make it so difficult to leave safely?"

The Impact of Trauma: Understanding to Support

Domestic violence creates complex trauma that affects every aspect of a survivor's life:

• 64% of domestic abuse survivors develop PTSD, compared to 7% of the general population.

• Depression and anxiety are reported by 70% of survivors.

• Survivors are 15 times more likely to use alcohol and 9 times more likely to use drugs to cope with trauma.

• 38% of survivors report lasting physical health problems, including chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, and traumatic brain injuries from repeated head trauma.

• Trust issues affect 92% of survivors, impacting their ability to form healthy relationships in the future.

• Financial abuse leaves 60% of survivors with damaged credit scores that take years to rebuild.

Understanding these impacts helps us provide more compassionate, trauma-informed support. Recovery isn't linear, and healing takes time—often years. Patience and consistent support are essential.

How to Support Survivors: Practical Steps

Whether you're supporting a friend, family member, colleague, or client, these approaches can make a meaningful difference:

1. Believe Them

• 70% of survivors say simply being believed was the most important support they received.
• Avoid questions that imply doubt ("Are you sure?") or judgment ("Why did you...?").
• Remember that survivors often minimize their experiences due to normalization of abuse.

2. Prioritize Safety

• Never pressure someone to leave before they feel ready—they understand the risks better than anyone.
• Help create a safety plan that includes emergency contacts, important documents, and escape routes.
• Offer practical support like secure storage of important documents or emergency accommodation.
• Be mindful of digital safety—abusers often monitor devices, social media, and communications.

3. Connect to Resources

• Familiarize yourself with local domestic violence services, including:
  • National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (24/7)
  • Local refuges and housing options
  • Legal aid services
  • Financial support programs
• Offer to make calls together or accompany them to appointments if safe to do so.
• 83% of survivors report that having an advocate significantly improved their experience with systems and services.

4. Practice Trauma-Informed Communication

• Use language that centers the survivor's agency and choices.
• Avoid giving directives ("You need to leave") or making promises you can't keep ("Everything will be fine").
• Recognize that trauma affects memory and narrative coherence—inconsistencies in a survivor's story are normal and don't indicate dishonesty.
• Be patient with repetition and emotional processing—survivors may need to tell their story multiple times as part of healing.
• Respect boundaries and consent in all interactions.

5. Provide Consistent, Long-Term Support

• Recovery from domestic abuse takes an average of 2-10 years, depending on the duration and severity of abuse.
• The period after leaving is often when survivors need the most practical support.
• Check in regularly without making it about the abuse—offer normal social connection.
• Remember holidays, court dates, and anniversaries that might be triggering.
• 76% of survivors report that long-term emotional support was more valuable than initial crisis intervention.

6. Take Care of Yourself

• Supporting survivors can lead to vicarious trauma—87% of domestic violence advocates report symptoms.
• Set healthy boundaries around your availability and emotional capacity.
• Connect with support networks and resources for yourself.
• Remember that you cannot rescue someone—your role is to support their own journey to safety and healing.

Breaking Barriers: Supporting Underserved Survivors

Certain groups face additional barriers when seeking help for domestic violence:

Men

• Male survivors report being believed only 45% of the time when disclosing abuse.
• Only 4% of refuge spaces in the UK are accessible to men.
• Male survivors wait an average of 2.5 years longer to seek help than women.

LGBTQ+ Individuals

• 61% of LGBTQ+ survivors report discrimination when seeking services.
• Trans survivors face particular barriers, with 47% being denied services based on gender identity.
• Same-sex abuse is often minimized or misunderstood by service providers.

Disabled People

• Disabled women are twice as likely to experience domestic abuse.
• 60% of refuges are inaccessible to wheelchair users.
• Carers can be perpetrators, creating complex dependency relationships.

Ethnic Minorities

• Language barriers prevent 22% of migrant survivors from accessing support.
• Cultural stigma keeps 68% of survivors from certain communities from reporting abuse.
• Fear of institutional racism deters many from engaging with police or courts.

Older Adults

• Domestic abuse among over-65s has increased by 40% in the last five years.
• Older survivors are 29% less likely to be referred to specialist services.
• Economic dependency and health concerns create unique barriers to leaving.

Supporting these underserved groups requires specialized approaches and dedicated resources. At The Astaris Foundation for Change, we're committed to developing inclusive services that address these specific needs.

Creating Systemic Change: Beyond Individual Support

While supporting individual survivors is crucial, ending domestic violence requires broader societal change:

• Early intervention programs in schools reduce future domestic violence rates by up to 50%.
• Workplace domestic abuse policies increase disclosure rates by 63%.
• Economic empowerment programs reduce survivors' return to abusive relationships by 71%.
• Perpetrator programs with high accountability show a 60% reduction in reoffending.
• Housing-first approaches for survivors reduce homelessness by 88%.

We can all advocate for these evidence-based approaches by:

• Supporting organizations working to end domestic violence through donations, volunteering, or raising awareness
• Advocating for policy changes that protect survivors and hold perpetrators accountable
• Challenging myths and misconceptions about domestic abuse when we encounter them
• Promoting healthy relationship education in schools and communities
• Creating workplace policies that support employees experiencing domestic abuse
• Modeling and teaching consent, respect, and equality in our own relationships

Hope and Healing: Recovery is Possible

Despite the devastating statistics, there is hope. Research shows that with appropriate support:

• 85% of survivors report improved quality of life within two years of accessing services
• 73% develop stronger boundaries and healthier relationships
• 68% report improved mental health and reduced PTSD symptoms
• 77% achieve financial independence
• 91% say they would not return to their abuser

Recovery isn't about forgetting what happened, but about reclaiming power, rebuilding safety, and creating a life defined by the survivor's own choices rather than by the abuse they experienced.

Taking Action: What You Can Do Today

Whether you're a survivor, know someone experiencing abuse, or simply want to help create change, there are immediate steps you can take:

1. Learn the signs of domestic abuse and how to respond supportively
2. Share information about resources (but do so safely—never leave materials where an abuser might find them)
3. Donate to domestic violence organizations facing increased demand and funding cuts
4. Volunteer your professional skills—legal, financial, housing, and mental health expertise are particularly valuable
5. Speak up when you hear myths or victim-blaming attitudes
6. Create safe spaces in your community, workplace, or faith organization where survivors can seek help
7. Practice self-care if you're supporting someone or healing from your own experiences

A Community of Support

At The Astaris Foundation for Change, we believe that healing happens in community. No survivor should have to navigate recovery alone, and no single organization can address all needs. That's why we partner with specialist services, amplify survivor voices, and work to create a network of support that meets people where they are.

The statistics on domestic violence are sobering, but behind every number is a person with inherent worth and the capacity for healing. By combining practical support with systemic change, we can create a world where domestic abuse is neither tolerated nor hidden—where survivors receive the justice, healing, and new beginnings they deserve.

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If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, help is available:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (24/7)
Men's Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0800 999 5428
In an emergency, always call 999